Adventures on the Massive
by PirateSockMonkey
Summary: A series of one-shots featuring the Tallest! My first fanfiction, so please be nice!
1. Chapter 1: Pots and Pans

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fanfiction so please be nice! It's a series of one-shots featuring the Tallest. I don't know if anyone has done this before so...please review! Flames will be frowned upon but constructive criticism is appreciated! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim isn't mine. It belongs to Jhonen Vasquez or Viacom. Whoever owns it. It's not me.**

The Massive loomed above a planet doomed for conquest. Almighty Tallest Red was standing on the bridge, overseeing the work of the crew. In the distance, he heard a clatter of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. He rolled his crimson eyes in disgust.

_What could they possibly be doing now?_ He thought as he hovered over to the kitchen. There was a mess of cutlery and kitchen utensils on the ground, and a pair of antennae poked through the mess.

"If any of you kitchen workers are trying to wind me up, you have succeeded. Now which one of you made this…" he began to lecture the workers, before he noticed none of them where there. Red's closest friend and fellow Tallest, Purple rose from the mess of kitchenware, an upside down pot on his head and a spoon in his mouth. The violet-eyed Tallest looked very proud of himself. Red simply stared at his co-worker.

"I am afraid to ask what you're doing. But I will anyway. So…" Red paused. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" He screamed at the top of his lungs. A few of the crewmembers turned their heads. Red glared at those few. "GET BACK TO WORK!" He ordered. The crew turned back to their stations, rolling their eyes. The scarlet tallest faced his friend again, waiting for a response. Purple spit out the wooden spoon.

"I'm…um…you know I really can't remember anymore. Sorry!" the lilac Tallest chuckled. Red slapped his forehead.

"I don't know what to saw at this point." He grumbled, "But I am going to say something." Purple's eyes lit up.

"What are you going to say?" he chimed in. Red lowered an unseen eyebrow.

"You're an idiot you know that?" the ruby Irken leader muttered. Purple smiled. Red hovered back towards the bridge. He sat down in his chair and sipped his ice-cold glass of soda.

"I know…Hey! You called me an idiot!" Purple yelled back at the ruby colored Irken. Red spit out his soda.

**It's rather short I know, and my humor isn't that great but I hoped you liked it! **

**~Tash**


	2. Chapter 2: Pranks Calls

A/N: This chapter is very heavily inspired by the Regular Show episode, "Prank Callers". It still involves the Tallest, but some of the ideas in this fanfic are based on that Regular Show episode.

Disclaimer: I don't own Red and Purple. The people at Viacom and Jhonen Vasquez own them.

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Red glanced around the bridge of the Massive. No one was in sight. He smirked and hovered quietly over to the handle-shaped device apparently called a "phone" and picked it up. The crimson Tallest fingered the inferior device and giggled with eternal glee. Zim had sent them one from Earth, and as Purple threw it away, Red saved the device from its fiery death. After some more research, the smarter Tallest found some amazing uses for this Earth technology, such as the activity he was about to perform.

Prank calling.

His green talons flew across the ivory buttons, and as soon as a muffled electronic ringing was emitted from the phone, Red giggled with glee and put the phone to where his ear would be.

"Hello?" A deep male voice groaned from the other end of the line. The cherry colored Tallest chuckled.

"Be sure to pick up a call from…" He began before bawling out in laughter "**JOE MAMA!"** He screamed before hanging up and doubling over in laughter again. A few seconds later, he picked up the plastic calling device and the Tallest's fingers pushed some numbers on the phone pad once again. Once some unlucky victim picked up, Red responded with something along the lines of. "Please hold for a collect call from...JOE MAMA!", with fits of laughter in between words. Once he had his fill of torturing random humans, the fun really started. The brick colored Tallest snorted as he picked up the phone for what seemed like the millionth time that hour and giggled before dialing his next stooge.

555-131-3946.

Red giggled as the ringing began.

"WHO DARES CALL THE ALMIGHTY **ZIIIIMMM**?" The voice on the other end screamed in outrage.

"Hello Zim. Have you heard of anyone named..." The Tallest fell to the floor in amusement. "**JOE MAMA?"** He didn't bother hanging up and continued laughing at his antic.

"Who is this? Whoever you are...ZIM will track you down. Zim will find you and make you face a pain like you have never faced pain before..." An unhappy Zim ranted as Red began pounding the floor in laughter. Crawling back to a standing position, the scarlet Irken hung up the phone and wiped away the tears of joy that had sprung during his most recent prank call session.

"One last call." He whispered to himself, a grin plastered on his face. With the push of several buttons, the familiar ringing came once again, and the mischievous Tallest giggled as he waited for the recipient of the prank call to pick up.

"Hello. This is the pizza guy calling about the fifty pizzas you ordered." He snorted.

"That's great. Bring them over as soon as possible." A high-pitched male voice responded casually. Red stopped laughing.

"I said fifty pizzas, Purple." He reiterated.

"Yeah, that's what I ordered." The violet Tallest was the one chuckling now. "And a large bag of churros. Hurry it up, I'm getting really hungry." The ruby colored Tallest opened and closed his mouth in surprise.

"But…" he whispered.

"Ok, enough with the act Red. I know you're not the pizza guy." Purple chuckled.

"How?" Red exclaimed.

"It was easy. One, I can recognize your voice from a million miles away. Two, those videos you've been watching of people prank calling strangers, I'm the Prank Caller. Three, you suck at this stuff." The lavender Tallest explained.

"There is no way that's you. You're voice isn't that deep." The rubicund Irken exclaimed, slamming the phone back into its holder. " Lying little twerp." He grumbled under his breath, making his way back to his chamber.

"Hey, just be glad you aren't…**JOE MAMMA!**" Purple exclaimed as Red hovered by his room.

"**SHUT UP!**"


	3. Chapter 3: Arachnophobia

**Chapter 3: Arachnophobia**

**A/N: Hey people! Here I am again with another chapter of this somehow popular FanFiction. I'm glad you guys like it so much! Anyhow, enjoy this installment!**

**Disclaimer: Currently, I don't own Invader Zim or the Tallest. Maybe I will in thirty years time, but for the moment, I don't.**

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Another quiet day on the Massive. Nothing in particular was happening, and Tallest Red and Purple were lounging around minding their own business. Purple was slurping on air and Red was listening to the annoying sound of his co-Tallest sucking up air like a vacuum cleaner. The crimson Tallest's antenna twitched in annoyance.

"Would you QUIT it, Purple! There's nothing left in the cup! You've been doing that for two hours!" He yelled. "I swear, sometimes you're more annoying than Zim..."

"I'm not _that_ annoying Red!" The lavender Tallest protested, standing up and throwing the cup in the air. It hit a technician and he winced in pain.

"Yes you are." The vermillion eyed Irken shot back. Purple's eye twitched and he tightened his talons into a fist.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to..." The violet Irken leader never finished his sentence.

A number of things happened in the minute that followed. Purple orbs followed a small creature as it slowly made its way towards the floor. There was a large amount of terror in those eyes. A smirk made it's way onto Red's face and he blew the arachnid onto his co-Tallest's face. A squeal escaped Purple's lips, followed by some frantic running around the bridge.

"Get-it-off-get-it-off!" he screeched. The brick-colored Tallest merely laughed.

"Wuss."

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**Wow. That was short. But I was very tempted to do this. X3 Anyway, review and if you have any suggestions I'll be glad to take them. I kind of need them right now… Bye!**

**~Tash**


	4. Chapter 4: Free Tanks

**A/N: I have eaten doughnuts for breakfast everyday for the past week. Purple would be proud. :3 Also, I figured that today is Thanksgiving, so why not have the Tallest celebrate it! I was really bored. I hope this isn't horrible…**

**Disclaimer: Even though I've had doughnuts for breakfast for the past week, it doesn't mean I own the Tallest. If it did, I would have done that a long time ago.**

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Chapter 4: Free Tanks**

"Wait. I don't get this Zim. You get an _entire_ _Earth week_ off of skool?" Red clarified. Zim was on the monitor, nodding.

"Yes, my Tallest, all because of a stupid Earth holiday. I believe it's called Thankgiving." The short Irken explained.

"You mean there's a holiday where they give out free tanks? Did you get any Zim? You better not have any because if you do…" Purple blurted out.

"He said _Thanks_giving, Purple. Not _Tanks_giving." The scarlet Tallest groaned.

"You created a holiday where you give out free tanks my Tallest?" Zim asked. "Can I have one? I really need a Plasma-Armed Battle Tank. One with extra plasma shooting things!"

"We did not create that holiday Zim." Red tried to explain.

"We made a holiday where we give out free tanks?" The violet Tallest screamed.

"No!" the vermillion Irken leader shouted.

"Oh thank you my Tallest! I'll be waiting for that tank!" the Invader on the screen squealed.

"You aren't getting a Battle Tank!" the ruby armored Irken announced.

"We're giving him a Battle Tank? Red, how could you be so _stupid_?" Purple exclaimed, shaking his fellow Tallest. Red jerked away.

"_I'm_ the one that's stupid? You thought it was called Tanks-giving for crying out loud." He yelled in outrage.

"It's called Tanks-giving? Oh so they _do _give out free tanks on Earth." Zim pondered.

"No its…Oh forget it." Red tried to explain. Purple was currently spazzing and stuffing his face full of food in bewilderment. Not that that was strange, of course. "Look Zim, you just ignore this conversation we had. Okay?" The brick colored Tallest pleaded.

"Ok, my Tallest. I'll tell everyone about this amazing holiday. Bye!" The Invader concluded before the screen went black. A blur of purple and green speed by Red followed by a shower of doughnut crumbs. The sane Tallest sighed and sat down.

"Just kill me now." He grumbled.

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**I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and Happy Thanksgiving!**


	5. Chapter 5: Found Them!

**A/N: So, I found this on my computer the other day. I thought it was decent in some ways, so I decided to add it to this one shot series thing. I hope you guys like it! **

**Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Invader Zim! But you already knew that.**

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**Chapter 5: Found them!**

It was a quiet morning on the Massive. Tallest Red sat on the bride, sipping a caramel iced coffee. As the last of the whipped cream made it's way smoothly down his throat, he sighed with satisfaction. There were still traces of the fluffed up milk around his mouth, and he eagerly lapped it up. The vermillion Tallest's moment of bliss was rudely interrupted by a slamming of a body against the wall. It sounded pretty bad, considering that that particular wall was made out of titanium. Red winced. The injured soul stumbled onto the bridge. One of his eyes was surrounded by a deep purple ring and his antenna were bent out of shape. Despite, his messed up condition, the wounded visitor stifled a grin.

"Hey Red!" the guest called out with a high pitched tone.

"Hey Pur. You hit your head pretty hard back there." the crimson Tallest pointed out while trying not to chuckle.

"Yeah. I guess I did. Anyhow, I have a really important question." the violet eyed Irken leader continued, obviously not bothered by his condition.

"Why is that wall made out of titanium?" " I don't know. Ask the Vortanian who designed this thing." Red responded dully beckoning another service drone.

"No, not that. I was wondering why someone would build a wall out of titanium...Try again!" Purple answered, hovering over to the chair next to his friend and co-Tallest.

"Is it about why you're so stupid?" the cardinal-colored Irken asked while writing his order for another one of the candied iced brews to make it through another one of his friend's guessing games. "Oh! Don't forget two bags of doughnuts!" he called out to the drone.

"That's it! The doughnuts!" the lilac Tallest announced, standing up with a start. He knocked over be side table on the process, spilling some mysterious green gunk all over Red. It smelled faintly of burnt toast and peppermint and has some kind of steam coming from it.

"Oh for the love of...Pur, what the heck is this?" He gestured towards the substance that was now on his lap. The cherry-colored Irken poked a talon on the junk on his lap. It felt like string cheese covered in fur and apple juice. He quickly jerked his hand away, only to find that it was stuck fast. The orchid Tallest let out a squeal and began to pick off the spill off Red's lap and then placing it carefully on a plate. Once that chore was done Purple began to... eat it. "Ew! Dude! Seriously! Do you even know what that is?" the unlucky and sticky Irken shouted, his face twisted into a grimace.

"I finally found them!" the more joyous Irken exclaimed between mouthfuls.

"Found what?" Red groaned, picking off pieces of the gunk and shaking it off his talon as best he could.

"The doughnuts." The lavender Tallest pointed out. The maroon Irken's skin went a lighter shade of green, and he soon added to the disgusting smells on the Massive's bridge.

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**A/N: I just noticed that Purple is the one being stupid in a lot of these. -_-" Well, he does produce some better material. Red will be stupid. Later. Maybe. I don't know. As always please tell me what you thought of this chapter! **


	6. Chapter 6: I Feel Sick

**A/N: I'm feeling sick. :p Yeah, so I was thinking between Advils and Gatorade, why not torture the Tallest with a sickness? And so this random one shot began! It takes place after the events in Chapter 5, but you can read this one by itself and it'll still make sense. I hope. Enjoy!~**

**Disclaimer: I don't have the rights to Invader Zim. Jhonen Vasquez or Viacom do. I have a cold. That's it.**

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**Chapter 6: I Feel Sick**

Another normal day on the Massive. The technicians were hard at work and the Tallest...were nowhere to be seen. This fact dawned on a few of the technicians, and some of them went back to work. Others ran into the kitchen in attempt to steal the Tallest's snacks. The technician's lives aside, a sneeze echoed around the Massive. It's source came from Tallest Red, who was sitting in his chambers.

"This is your fault Purple." He grumbled nasally. Purple shrugged his shoulders and passed his friend another tissue.

"Hey, it's not my fault toxic doughnut mold landed on your lap." He reasoned. The crimson Tallest blinked.

"Yes it was stupid, you knocked the table." He hissed. It didn't sound as threatening as he wanted it to be, a blocked vocal cord didn't really help. The violet Tallest laughed.

"You sound funny." He giggled.

"No duh! I'm sick!" Red snapped before grabbing a tissue and spitting out some mucus into the sheet and throwing it hopefully in the direction of the garbage incinerator.

"You missed." Purple pointed out, a smile still planted on his face. The vermillion eyed Irken narrowed his eyes and spit once again into another tissue. Red had been doing this for three hours, in attempt to get rid of some of the congestion pain. He always seemed to miss the incinerator too. The scarlet Tallest raised his tissue filled hand, and threw it as his lavender co-Tallest. "Ew!" Purple squealed as he quickly brushed off the tissue. "Now _I'm_ going to be sick." The cherry colored Tallest snorted.

"Yeah, as if _eating _the mold isn't going to make you sick." He mumbled. The lilac Irken's eyes lit up and he rushed out of the room. "You won't believe what I found Red! More ways to get us killed!" Red mimicked as he grabbed another tissue. Purple came back into the room with a small box.

"You remember..." He began.

"ADVIL!" The brick colored Irken screamed as he tackled his friend to the ground. There seemed to be a rabid look in his eyes as he tried to claw the pills from Purple's grip. "MINE!"

"Red! Calm down!" The plum colored Irken leader screamed in fear. He managed to worm his way out from Red's grip and began hovering for dear life. He still had the box of precious pills in his talons. He glanced behind him and the cardinal Tallest was close behind him, moving like a crazed animal, tongue hanging out and a feverish look in his eyes. Purple let out a squeal and hovered into a nearby closet. He screamed multiple times, which really didn't help in trying to stay hidden. Red obviously found him.

"GIVE ME THE ADVIL PURPLE!" He roared. Purple hovered higher upward in attempts to get away. This failed, and he just ended up hitting his head on the ceiling.

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As the last of the stars, planets, and doughnuts disappeared from Purple's vision he noticed that the Advil had disappeared. There was a blur of red, and the violet Irken leader quickly stood up and followed it. Red turned around as soon as he noticed his friend was following him.

"Oh, Hey Pur. I'm just cleaning up this mess someone made. I have no clue who." The maroon Tallest explained as he pointed to the trail leading from Red's chamber to the closet Purple was hiding in. "Anyhow, on a better note I'm feeling better. I think it was the Advil." Purple let out a small cat-like sneeze. "Aw...Are you sick now?" Red asked.

"No." The periwinkle Tallest rasped as he spit out some mucus on the floor. The claret Tallest sifted through his pockets.

"Yes you are here." He offered as he pulled out a familiar looking box. "Have some..."

"ADVIL!"

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**A/N: That is how I feel about Advil. It's awesome. I didn't know how to explain Red sounding sick, considering that Irkens have no noses. So I just blamed the vocal cords. :p That's it for now. I'll be back around Christmas, so you can watch out for me then. Please tell me what you thought of this! **

**~Tash**


	7. Chapter 7: Cooking Time

**A/N: I lied. I'm writing another one. Yay~ **

**Disclaimer: I own Invader Zim! In my dreams. :D In the real world, Jhonen Vasquez and Viacom own it.**

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****Chapter 7: Cooking **

It was a very quiet day. Tallest Red noticed this, and looked around to see what was wrong.

"Purple?" He called out. "Are you dead?" The crimson Tallest added.

"Nope!" A high-pitched voice responded. Red groaned.

"What are you doing?" He asked, moving towards the source of his friend's voice. It lead him to the kitchen. The scarlet Irken leader face palmed. _Not again, _he thought.

"I decided that I should do something as Tallest." Purple explained, holding a wooden spoon.

"And you realized this just now because?" Red asked, crossing his arms.

"I don't know. Anyhow, I decided to…" The violet Tallest continued.

"Blow up?" his vermillion eyed friend suggested.

"No. I'm going to…" The lilac Irken began again.

"Die?" Red asked, a certain enthusiasm in his voice.

"No! I'm…" The plum colored Irken leader tried to explain.

"Become less stupid? Stop eating doughnuts? Stop snoring? Stop stealing my stuff? Stop sleeping with a teddy bear? Stop drooling? Stop…" the cherry colored Irken continued.

"Shut up! I'm going to cook something." Purple finished. "And don't make fun of Mr. Snuffles. He has feelings too." Red snorted.

"Okay then. Good luck trying to make something edible." He chuckled as he left the room.

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A few minutes later, the smoke alarm went off. Red groaned and trudged to the kitchen with the fire extinguisher. He put the fire out and saw Purple sniffling.

"I didn't even turn the oven on…"

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**A/N: Sorry it's short. Please tell me what you thought. :3**


	8. Chapter 8: Lights

**A/N: I submitted this early because...well...I wanted to. It seems really rushed to me. I know that its short. I'm starting to wonder if _any_**** of these oneshots will be long...**

**Disclaimer: The best Christmas present would be for me to own Invader Zim. But now, I don't.**

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**Chapter 8: Lights**

Tallest Purple was stringing colorful lights all around the Massive. Red was sitting in his chair watching his friend.

"You're going to get electrocuted you know." He mumbled.

"I know. It'll be so much fun!" The violet Tallest squealed as he finished putting up the last of the lights. Red rolled his eyes and continued watching his friend run mindlessly around putting up more electrical equipment.

"When was the last time you _touched_ a wire, Pur?" The crimson Irken leader asked. Purple stopped for a second, his face showing apparent deep thought.

"Um...what's wire?" He answered before hovering off to grab some other decorations.

"He's going to get himself killed." Red grumbled before going off to the kitchen to get some more coffee. He came back a few minutes later to see the entire bridge of the Massive covered in lights, tinsel and other things with shades of red and green.

"You like it Red?" Purple asked, wearing a ridiculous red hat with white fur trim and a matching puff ball on the tip of it.

"For the last time Pur, we AREN'T CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS!" The claret Tallest screamed and dropped his coffee. "Great. Now I have to get another one." He grumbled. The lilac Tallest sniffed and slouched off to who knows where.

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It was a few hours later and the decorations still hung from every corner of the ship. Red was still sitting on the bridge, with a new cup of coffee. The plum colored Tallest was in one of his moods and was sulking elsewhere. Red smiled at the thought of having the rest of the day to himself, when Purple showed up, a green plug and an extension plug in hand.

"Hey Red! Will you let us celebrate Christmas if I do this?" He exclaimed. He raised a talon in the air.

"No Purple! You'll-" The scarlet Irken leader shouted standing up. His warning was of no use. The periwinkle Tallest placed his talon in the outlet, and there was a flash of sparks followed by a large cloud of smoke. There was a fit of coughing, and Red brushed away the smoke to find his friend lying on the floor. Purple blinked and looked at his co-leader.

"Let's do that again!" He shouted and hovered off to get more electrical equipment. The vermillion Tallest shook his head.

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**A/N: Please tell me what you thought and Happy Holidays!**


	9. Chapter 9: Hairbrush Karaoke

"I'm going somewhere. Don't blow yourself up. Again." Tallest Red plainly stated before leaving Purple to his own devices. The lilac Tallest chuckled and rushed off to grab some highly flammable materials. And curly fries.

Meanwhile, the crimson Irken glanced around before closing the door to a certain room. It was painted a bright purple, and the floor was littered with old robes, pajamas, a variety of teddy bears, and food wrappers. After about fifteen minutes of wallowing through the garbage heap Purple called his room, Red found what he wanted; his friend's iPod and hairbrush.

_Why Purple has a hairbrush, I will have no idea._ The scarlet Tallest wondered as he made his way to his own room. He slammed the door behind him and rushed to hook the iPod up to his own dock. The vermillion Irken kneeled down and sifted through his violet friend's playlist.

"Nope, nope, nope." Red mumbled. "Ke$ha? Purple what is wrong with you? Nope, nope, nope. Yes!" He exclaimed as he clicked on the album he wanted. His talons grasped the handle of the hairbrush as the music started.

"You would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies, lit up the world as I fell asleep" The cherry colored Tallest sang. "'Cause they fill the open air, and leave tear drops everywhere! You think me rude but I would just stand and stare!" Red threw on a pair of sunglasses he had lying around. "I'd like to make myself belieeeeve! But planet Earth, turns sloooowly. It's hard to say if I'd rather stay awake but I'm asleep. 'Cause everything is never as it seeeems!"

Purple, a few doors away, heard his friend's off-tune singing. The lilac Tallest's antenna perked up and ran towards the source of this hideous noise. This wasn't hard, considering a few table-headed service drones were covering their ears in pain. The periwinkle Irken pushed opened the door and stared at his friend.

"As they try to teach me how to dance! A fox trot above my head! A sock hop beneath my bed a disco ball is just hanging...by...a...thread." Red finished as he saw Purple looking furious. "Heyy Pur." The claret Irken chuckled nervously. He quickly paused the music and threw off the sunglasses.

"Hi Red." Purple stated menacingly. Red winced and handed the iPod and hairbrush back to his friend. The lavender Tallest snatched them and growled. "Don't. Go. In my room. Ever. Again." He warned and hovered away. The brick colored Tallest stood silently for a long period of time.

"I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEEEEVE!"

"SHUT UP RED!"


	10. Chapter 10: Air Freshners

**A/N: The writing style in this oneshot is a bit different then what I usually write in. I'm known to change writing style frequently. I hope this doesn't bother anyone. **

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim=Not mine. D:**

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The Massive let out a vile smelling stench that had caused many off the technicians to call in "sick". No one knew the source of the smell, but there were rumors that Tallest Purple didn't clean his room again, which was an entirely plausible answer. Even Red was entirely sure that the violet Tallest's unkempt quarters were releasing the toxic stench among the ship's interior.

The smell eventually got so unbearable, that the scarlet Tallest had decided it was time to convince Purple to tidy his room. This was a failed attempt, as Red was attacked viciously by the lilac Tallest. And Purple bit HARD. The crimson Irken decided to get rid of the stench in a different fashion.

Sifting through his collection of air freshners, Red pulled out a few that smelled decent.

"If you're going to make the Massive smell nicer, can I at least approve of the tree-thing you're going to use?" The amethyst-colored Tallest mumbled from the doorway. The vermillion Irken jumped up with a start.

"Sure. But don't pick-" Before Red could finish his sentence, Purple already picked out his air freshner and held it high in the air. "The rainbow one." The claret Tallest grumbled.

"I like this one!" The violet Irken exclaimed.

"I don't even know what it smells like." The cherry colored Tallest explained.

"It smells like rainbows. Duh!" Purple stated.

"What do rainbows smell like then? Huh?" Red shot back.

"Rainbows." The plum colored Irken leader answer. The scarlet Tallest face palmed.

"That's not an answer." He grumbled.

"Yes it is!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is too!"

Their argument was interrupted by one of the remaining technicians. He plucked up the rainbow tree and put it up in front of the air vent. The whole ship began to smell much better.

"Rainbows smell like...DOUGHNUTS!" Both Tallest announced before they rushed off to grab more rainbow tree-things.

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**A/N: There are rainbow air freshners. I have no clue what they smell like. Probably Skittles. XD I'm not super proud of this one. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11: Run Fast

**A/ N: I had a reeeeealy long discussion about the Massive with my friend. I don't even know how it started. But we tried imagining how massive the Massive is. It's pretty massive. That's how this oneshot arose.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

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It was another boring day on the Massive. Both Tallest were on the brink of sleep, when suddenly, Red had an amazing idea.

"I'm gonna run around the Massive, K?" he stated before standing.

"Ok. You go do that." Purple sighed before staring at the nothingness in front of him. The crimson Tallest smirked before moving himself the tiniest bit forward.

"I'm back." He announced causing his violet friend to sit up in his chair.

"**WHAT?** That was only like…" Purple paused before counting on his fingers. "One second!" He finished, holding up both his fingers.

"Yes. Now how long does it take _you_?" the scarlet Irken challenged. The lavender Tallest squinted his eyes and stood.

"Seven seconds." Red face-palmed.

"Purple, seven is _more_ than one."

"Oh. Then it'll take me…a HALF a second."

"Fine. I'll time you." The vermillion Tallest suggested before his friend took off, attempting to circle the entire ship in a half a second.

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Much, much later, Purple returned, panting.

"How…long…was…that?" He heaved. Red glanced at the invisible watch on his wrist.

"Um…about…seven and a half hours." He responded.

"HA! I told you I could beat you." The lilac Tallest yelled while fist-pumping the air.

"Purple, I already told you…never mind."

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**A/N: For those who didn't understand Red's stunt, it's similar to the "I'm gonna run around the world!" thing. Yeah, that one. Also, I've written another story. It's like this, except only with Purple. It's kind of awesome. Feel free to take a look at it. As always, please tell me what you thought of this chapter!**


	12. Chapter 12: Superstitious & Cowardly Lot

**A/N: Kudos to anyone who gets the reference in the title. Disclaimer time!**

**Disclaimer: Iway on'tday ownway invaderway imzay.**

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Tallest Red sat in his room, which was now sound-proof thanks to his latest performance of "Fireflies." His antenna twitched in impatience. There was. Nothing. To. Do. He stood up and hovered around the room. There was a knock at the door, and the crimson Tallest rushed to open it. Behind the doorway was Purple.

"Holy terrifying objects Batman! I mean Red. There is something really freaky on this ship." He exclaimed rushing into his friend's room and slamming the door behind him. Red raised an unseen eyebrow.

"Zim called again, didn't he?" He asked.

"Well, yeah, he did. But there's something even scarier." The violet Tallest explained.

"Even scarier than Zim?" Purple nodded. "Wow." The scarlet Irken lowered his eyelids. "Wait...it's a spider, isn't it?"

"No! It's not! And spiders are really scary."

"No they aren't. You're just a wuss."

"SHUT UP! Now you wanna know what's scary or not?"

"Sure. Whatever." Purple motioned for his friend to follow him. They circled around the ship for about a half an hour before the violet Irken suddenly stopped.

"OH MY-!" Red exclaimed.

"IT'S SO SCARY RIGHT?"

"Purple, that's you."

"I'm not talking about the mirror. I'm referring to THAT." He pointed to a small shelf with various objects on it. One object in particular was extremely terrifying. There was a long period of silence.

"W-why do we even have that?" Red stuttered.

"I have no idea. I don't even know how it got there. But the longer I stare at it, the scarier it gets." Purple whispered. The cymbal bearing-monkey on the shelf stared back at the Tallest with it's bulging eyes. The two Irkens whimpered and then rushed out screaming.

* * *

**A/N: Horrible ending... You guys get two chapters today! Yay!~**


	13. Chapter 13: Pens and Paper

"Look Red!" Tallest Purple exclaimed. Red sighed and went over to observe his friend's discovery.

"What is it now, Pur?"

"When I use this purple pen, the paper turns from white-" The violet Tallest paused and drew on a scrap piece of paper to demonstrate. "To purple! It's magic!" The crimson Irken face-palmed.

"No. That is called the ink leaving the pen and transferring onto the paper. But you're too stupid to understand that so, let's pretend it's magic."

"So...What?"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!"

"What?"

"This!"

"You just gestured to all of me." Red sighed again.

"Okay. Let me try to explain why the page turns purple again. Using food." Purple's antenna perked up.

"Go on."

"The pen is filled with grape jelly, and every time you use it, the jelly falls out onto the paper and the paper picks it up like a napkin. Get it now?" The scarlet Tallest explained. His friend nodded slowly.

"I like jelly..." Purple mumbled. Red rolled his eyes, giving up on explaining things for one day.


End file.
